Saturday, March 13, 2010

My Realizations

I thought that after the forced retirement, I could easily change lane. I thought that after leaving my stressful job, I can easily replace it with another more fulfilling one. I thought that venturing into another field or pursuing another interest is just as easy as jumping into another bus.

I was completely wrong.

After six months, I am still wandering. After half a year, I am still looking for a better company that will become my new haven to thrive. After 180 days, I am still looking confused at which road should I take.

My life has been a roller coaster ride of emotions since I left my previous job. There were days when I feel excited for the new opportunities coming my way. But there were days that I feel so down and out because of disappointments and worries.

Looking at my life now, I am a big mess. I know I need to organize the clutters of my world but I do not know where to start. So many options to do but the choices overwhelm me. I have listed all the possibilities but because I was never trained in the new field, I am overwhelmed with so many "what ifs" every pessimist can ever think of.

I thought I am an optimist. I thought I am courageous. I thought I am a "do-it-now" person.

I was wrong.

Through all these whole new world I am in, I came to meet my other half. I came to know that the strong woman I was known of has a shadow of a coward, a spirit of a doubter, a character of a pessimist. It was daunting to come face to face with my alter ego. But to become whole I have to embrace my total being. To be complete I have to accept all my weaknesses and imperfections. To have peace I have to acknowledge the fact that in every life some rain must fall and one can't help but be drenched.

I never thought I would miss the hectic schedules of my past job. I never thought I would miss the corporate pressure. I never thought I would miss the unending deadlines.

I was totally wrong.

If there are two big things that I learned from all these experiences, it is the realization that I need complete trust and patience. I do believe that everything happens for a purpose and greater good. I just have to trust God's hands creating a new dimension in my life and enough patience to wait for this beautiful change to unfold.

This time, I am sure I am completely right.