The silence of my condo is always constant and I got used to it after staying here for 19 months. But after sharing it with my son for nine days, the silence is never the same again. I am consumed with loneliness beyond explanation.It might seem funny to know that the reason why I am crying now is because my son just went back to our home after spending 9 days with me in the city.
Just 9 days ago, I could not contain my happiness and excitement while I was waiting at the airport to meet him. I was looking forward to nine days off work and spending time with my beloved son. Of course, that is not the same as bonding with a toddler, because my son is already a young man. But if you are a mother like me, you will understand that a son or a daughter will always be your baby, even if they grow old. You will know that times spent with your child is always a great time.
The nine days was such a happy experience, not because of the food we ate at fancy restaurants, nor the things we shopped and splurged on. It was a joyful experience because I was with the person I love most in my life.
Now, the nine days are over. Back to reality.
It's Easter Sunday but I feel like Good Friday when I drove him to the airport.
It’s silly to be feeling like this. I am a 48 year old mom, used to living alone and being away from my family most of the time. Now, I am wallowing in tears and downing mouthfuls of dark chocolate while pouring out my feelings in this blog, in the hope of easing the pain in my heart. The chocolate tastes like tears or maybe my tears taste like chocolate. I don't know. I am not enjoying this.
I am never good at good byes even if they are temporary. I am always lousy in dealing with separation. I am beyond logic when it comes to being away from my son. Maybe all mothers are like me. Maybe I am weird. I don't know. I am not proud of this.
Tomorrow, I will be back to my daily grind of office work and travels thereafter. Soon I will be busy with so many concerns. But I am sure, that at the end of the day, or at the end of each travel, when I come home to my condo…the silence will never be the same again.
