Saturday, July 4, 2009

Unedited Thoughts

I am so relieved that finally it's Saturday.

The previous weeks were so hectic and I don't even have the right to feel sick. There were days that I have to drag myself out of bed even when my body was screaming for more sleep. There were days that I feel sick and tired of packing and unpacking, taking very early morning or late evening flights. Due to my different destinations every week, I even reached the point that I have to look at my boarding pass to check which flight I am taking, every time the announcement for boarding was called. My flights are short but the waiting time and preparation are still the same. The packing of clothes, trips to the airport, check-in counter rituals of falling in line, removing shoes, passing the x-ray, going to the lounge, waiting and praying that the flight is on time.

In times when I am in my office, the experience is neither relaxing. Meetings, instant deliverables, urgent requirement, spur-of-the moment business reviews with the GM and more demanding meetings until the evening...not pleasant.

I am starting to feel like a zombie. I am feeling like a slave.

I have to stop myself and re-examine my thoughts. Why am I so negative now? Why all these ramblings and complains? Do I love my job? Am I still made for this? Is this career still made for me? Is this the only career that I can have?

Looking at the people on the streets or the images flashed on the news about recession, jobless executives giving up their usual lifestyles, poor families not knowing where to get their next meal, war-stricken countries where peace has to be paid with lives...they are enough to wake me up and bring me back to my senses. Looking back at my ordeal last year when I was emotionally battered by the people reporting to me, I can say that physical exhaustion is better because all I need to do is rest.

In our recently concluded Sales and Marketing Conference, the fruits of my labor were highlighted. From my team came the best and the most number of achievers and we had the best sales performance in the company. It was more than enough to erase my fatigue away.

The other day, despite the natural high I felt from my team's accomplishments, I wasn't feeling well. I really had to listen to my body this time. I slept whole day and night. When I woke up, I was a new person. I reported back to the office feeling great. Maybe because I was able to regain some of my lost sleep or maybe because I realized I am very blessed or maybe because it's a Friday. I don't know. All I know is that I have very simple joys. It's Saturday again and I will have my most needed rest.


Anonymous said...

I've been asking a lot of questions about my own job lately, so your post resonated with me. I think a lot of us are afraid to say that we're not enjoying our work because so many people are out of employment at the moment. But you know what, I think that it's perfectly fine for us to state that something is making us unhappy.

I'm glad that you were able to take the time to really rest. It is something that we all need to do and I can appreciate that need (I feel it often myself)


Deboshree said...

Hey there dear,

You must be having those negative thoughts when your body and mind demand a much needed rest denied to them. Whatever you do, never ever compromise on what YOU really want to do.If you are doing that and you get exhausted, it's worth the effort!


scarlethue said...

Congratulations on your sales success. I know it's rewarding to work so hard and get acknowledgement for it. I'm glad you've been able to catch up on your rest too. I took yesterday off myself, even though I really felt like I should be at work, for that very reason. And today I feel refreshed. Confused because I keep thinking it's Sunday, haha, but refreshed.

Lesley said...

Hi Ss. Here's the link to an article you might find interesting and give you some things to think about. It made me think when I read it.

I hope it helps.

SearchingSoul said...

Carol: You are right about being afraid to say we are not enjoying our work because so many people are unemployed.

Deboshree: I agree with you that we shouldn't compromise what we really want to do in life.

Scarlethue: Thanks. I also experienced that confusion when I woke up from a very deep sleep.

Lesley: Thank you for the interesting article. It's reassuring to know that I am on the right path and I should start doing daily interesting activities with variety to find more happiness on a day to day basis.

Anonymous said...

This is NOT the only career you can have. You sound educated so I imagine with a little prodding your imagination could come up with something you REALLY want to be doing right now. Maybe this job was good for a while and now its time to find something else. The negativity is in agreeing with the world that we are in a recession. Yes there is a recession but that should not keep you from thinking about another career if you really want it. You have one life to live, so live it happy and fulfilled. If you ARE happy and fulfilled, then the least thats going on is you are just tired.

Is there another job you can imagine for yourself? Give yourself the freedom to dream about it and say what if. Often these thoughts will lead to "coincidences" that will usher in what it is you want to do now. You dont hate your job, you're just restless. Maybe you would be happier doing something else, whats wrong with thinking that. Being grateful to have a job in this economy is fine, as long as you dont let your gratitude kill your dream. Be grateful and dream.

And yes I talk too much and yap about dreaming. Because I do it. Ha ha

chemist said...

Searching Soul:

Once again - welcome home. I too often face many of the same hassels you just dealt with in your most recent excursion away from home-sweet-home. But if you love your work and the opportunity to travel - as I do as well - then life's little roadblocks just have a way of melting away. I just learned that a great colleague and dear friend of mine just passed away last night. Sad news indeed but it sure makes one pause and appreciate the gift of life itself.

All the best ....

Traveling Chemist