Hanging On

It's been quite a while since I wrote anything in my journal. So many attempts, but my intentions were often defeated by reasons. I was emotionally unstable ever since I lost my job. One day I would wake up brimming with optimism, but in just one moment, I find myself wallowing in the sea of uncertainties. There were days that I felt like it was business as usual. There were times when the shadow of fear was looming at the corner, waiting intently to gobble me up alive.

September 15 was my official last day of work in the office. The hardest part was packing my things. Numb and mindless, I stashed away the symbols of my career inside brown boxes and I left quietly, unnoticed. Twenty-three years and I was just a receding shadow. It was a sad way of ending a career in the company I considered home… but at that moment, it was a little victory to leave my office room for good without tears and heaviness in my heart.

On Tuesday, I will be back in the office for a 2-day "Moving On Program" for retrenched employees. It's the last battle to fight. That would be the day when all of us will gather and say our good-byes. I am never good at it, but I will do my best to keep my composure and leave with my head up high. I should be because I gave my best and served the company well.

I liken myself to the dragonfly perched on the tip of a car antenna - still hanging on for a while but ready any minute to fly away into the clear blue sky.