A New Beginning

I always love new beginnings for they offer fresh starts and anticipation of the new things to come. New Year is one of them.

I woke up feeling vibrant and recharged. I went around my garden. The air was sweet and filled with the songs of birds feasting on nature's bounty. The vibrant colors of the flowers reflected my feelings within ... gratitude, joy and abundance. What a wonderful feeling, indeed!

Low Tide

I want to write about so many things - my innermost feelings, my aspirations and my regrets ... but every time I start doing one, letters just jammed in my mind and all that I could type are bare words that do not give justice to emotions I want to spell.

I want to paint the beauty of what I see - the mountains, the sea, the sunset ... but every time I start creating one, the images just stick in my mind and all I can paint is an empty canvas that is a poor imitation of the real beauty I wish to depict.

I want to take pictures of what I see - from mundane everyday lives to profound postcard quality landscapes ... but every time I start clicking my camera, I can't seem to capture the real beauty of what my bare eyes could see.

I'm losing my creativity. There's a certain element in me that is missing and not knowing what it is makes it even worse.

I guess I just have to let this be. I believe that to live through life, I have to undergo the different seasons. To survive each day, I need to have the serene acceptance of time and tide. Sometimes, a low tide can really be as low as it gets, exposing the very core of one's life and seeing that there is nothing much in there hidden beneath the waves.

If this is low tide, then let it be.

Water Under The Bridge

It was a long year for me. Without any hint, it started like a fresh morning. Then suddenly the storm came. It lasted like ages like it's not going to end.

A day was like a decade.

A week was like a century.

A month was like forever.

I never knew what hit me. Everything was in chaos no matter how I tried to fix it. The more I struggled, the deeper I was sinking in the mud. I kept asking myself "What have I done to deserve this?" Yet, no matter how I kept repeating the question, I never got the answer.

Everyday was like a struggle. I had to drag myself to work and tried to pull the days till it would be Saturday. No amount of encouragement from friends could ease the pain inflicted by people who wanted me to fail.

It was the worst year of my life but it brought out the best in me. I came face to face with the ugly truth that some people have so much hatred and bad intentions in their heart. But on the other hand, I also saw the real gem on others for their understanding and encouragement. Through all the trials, I discovered that I had so much patience and strength than I never thought I had. It was a humbling experience but the wisdom I gained has made me larger than myself.

The year is about to end and with it came the stillness of dusk. At long last, the storm was gone. The people who caused me misery are no longer in my team. They are now like the murky water after the storm, flowing under the bridge...

My Daily Dozen

In this life and time, I have observed that materialism seems to overpower spirituality, greed is consuming love, apathy is perennial and empathy is scarce. Wherever I turn my eyes, I see this.

I asked myself, do I have to be a part of it or do I strive to make a difference? The choice is easy. I want to be a ray of light in this world.

To create a thousand lists on how I can make a difference is not difficult. How to do it all is the real challenge. So, I trimmed down my list to an achievable dozen things I can do to make my world a better place, in my own little way.

My Daily Dozen:

1. Call my mother and let her know I love her.
2. Let my son know I love him.
3. Smile to at least 1 stranger.
4. Say "Please" when I ask for something.
5. Say "Thank You" to every favor received, no matter how small it is.
6. Start and end my day with a prayer of gratitude.
7. Count my blessings.
8. Do a good deed to one person.
9. Give a heartfelt compliment to one person.
10. Send one inspiring SMS message to one friend.
11. Offer a prayer of blessings to one person.
12. Save at least a dollar for charity.

These are the small things I vow to do everyday.

My Afterthoughts of Ho Chi Minh and Angkor Wat

It was a well deserved vacation that I took together with a friend. I just wanted to forget my stressful corporate life and be lost in Ho Chi Minh and Siam Reap. Yes, I had a short vacation in Vietnam and Cambodia.

I traveled light. No cell phone. No Laptop. No reports. I just brought the bare essentials: money, clothes, camera and loads of enthusiasm.

It was my second time to visit Ho Chi Minh so I was the tour guide to my friend. My reasons for going back are the delicious food, the cheap but beautiful souvenirs and the friendly people of Vietnam.

I brought my friend to this restaurant I discovered 4 years ago named Quan Ngon which served very delicious Vietnamese food. Tourists and locals alike line up and wait to be seated for as long as 45 minutes. I knew my friend love it there because she agreed to eat there several times. We also had a short dinner cruise along Mekong River one moonlit night and attended a Catholic Mass (in English!) at the Cathedral of Notre Dame in down town Ho Chi Minh.

Losing my self in Vietnam was easy. All I did in Vietnam was eat, shop and pray.

The flight to Siam Reap from Ho Chi Minh was just an hour. With only less than 2 days to see the ruins, we hired a taxi driver to be our official guide around the city and the ruins.

Seeing Angkor Wat face to face was more overwhelming than I expected. I was consumed with unexplainable mixed feelings: Happy to be here at last; Sad that I only had a day to see it ... Amazed how such an ancient civilization built the huge temple complex; Perplexed how they just left it to crumble ... Touched by the indomitable spirit of those who built it with hard labor; Grateful how they tried to restore it for the next generations to see.

The carvings were so intricate. Every nook and cranny was adorned with exquisite design of all conceivable images – dragons, gods, serpents, flowers, trees and creatures of the netherworld.

It was hot and a bit crowded with tourists from all countries and races: English, French, Japanese, Korean, German, Italian, Spanish...I guess I heard them all. Everyone was armed with camera, ready to shoot at every opportunity there would be. Some were just there to just to be there. Some were there to really be there. Some were there and wanted to be really, really be there. I could say that I was there just to be lost in the myriad of beautiful stone works and rich history.

One of the sidelights of my visit was knowing that all weddings in Siam Reap would always end up with the pictorial at the ruins. It was so heartwarming to note that the Cambodians really value their heritage even in these modern times. I happened to take a snap shot of the entourage waiting for their cue for the pictorial.

Siam Reap is a small City in a developing country thriving amidst an extinct advanced civilization. I could say that their ancestors did not only leave them the temples of the past but also left them a gift of their future – a booming economy through tourism. They have plenty of big hotels and still counting, yet never enough, to accommodate the throngs of tourists who want to take a glimpse of this ancient and rich civilization.

Losing my self in Angkor Wat was easy. All I did was shamelessly take pictures of their gods and goddesses (like what most tourists do), hoping that I could bring everything I could without taking a single stone from the ruins.

I never imagined that losing one's self can be so enriching. It was in losing my self in the ancient temples of Cambodia and the busy restaurant in Ho Chi Minh that I found what I had been looking for: ME.

A Mother's Retrospection

It was exactly 20 years ago today when my baby came into this world with his most angelic face soothing my very soul.

As I held him for the first time in my arms, the feeling was incredible … indescribable … irresistible.

He was tiny and frail but when I hugged him close to my heart I felt so strong and invincible. He was completely dependent on me but I felt that my very existence just depended on him. As I watched him sleep, all my troubles melted away and were replaced with palpable peace I never imagined existed.

My years were spent with careless abandon but when he came into my life, I was consumed with an overprotective feeling and I need to shield him from all harms both real and imagined. Yet, as I look into his eyes, a strong sense of security melted all those fears away. An inner voice told me “everything will be okay.”

It seems just like yesterday. The images are vividly imprinted in my mind and all the wonderful feelings are eternally embedded in my heart.

Sad

Got the news like a heavy downpour on a Saturday morning. A friend sent a message too hard to read. Too painful to digest. Too much for a morning starter.

One of our friends has Stage 4 Lymphoma. The doctors will no longer operate. She has been in the ICU for a week now.

Sad.

I asked if I can announce it to our other friends but she didn't know what to say. I told her we should because they all have the right to know. We all love her, maybe not equally, but we hold her dearly in our hearts.

I called another friend. She just got the news too. She was shaken like me, so shocked we didn't know how to handle what hit us today.

We shared our regrets of not seeing our friend before she fell ill.

Life is indeed short. Regrets make it shorter. But prayers make us stronger.

A Wonderful Daybreak

The trip was short. Only a week. But the activities were packed with nerve-wracking schedule: 3 countries in 6 days...and we must see the beautiful places in between a convention we need to attend everyday.

After a grueling week of tours and night-outs and meetings, I was looking forward to a relaxing trip back. On our flight home, some technical glitch happened to my seat assignment. My original front row aisle seat was changed to a window seat and it cannot be altered. I was stuck in a window seat for a 13 hour flight! Oh my God!

It felt like that was the longest 13 hours of my life. I tried to enjoy watching the in flight movies but I was so sleepy to finish one. In between fitful naps, leg cramps and stiff neck, I was wishing I could stand up and walk along the aisle. Every time I wake up from a shallow sleep, I would look at my watch and feel so disappointed that it was still a long way before arrival time. Looking out of the window, it was pitch dark, except for the blinking plane light that was piercing the night and my eyesight, so I closed the window.

Every time a meal was served, I would open the window and check if it wasn't dark anymore only to close it again. It was still as black as ever outside. After the third serving of meals, I opened the window and saw that a crack of light was breaking off across the horizon.

It was an awesome vision to behold like finding an oasis after a day's travel in a dessert. At long last my ordeal was about to end. In a few hours we will be touching down and I can have my most deserved rest.

I took my camera and captured that moment to constantly remind me that even the longest night will always have a daybreak.

One Rainy Morning

I woke up with the dainty spatter of rainfall on my window pane. It is still early and a bit gloomy because the sun is covered by the rain clouds. I can see the rain falling gently all over the land. Green leaves looking verdant and cool breeze touching my cheeks like a gentle kiss of a baby.

It feels heavenly to snuggle by the window with a warm cup of coffee and just watch the world waltz by in slow motion. Everything is peaceful, everything is calm.

Ah, what a wonderful morning!

Mistakes

I committed a big mistake last week. I was so mindless of how the other person would feel with what I blabbered. I could not undo what I did. If wishes would come true, I will surely wish that I live the same day again, just like what happened in the movie Ground Hog Day. I wish I could undo what I did. I wish I was only dreaming.

But I am not.... This is for real. I really committed that mistake. My mouth was faster than my brain.

It is consoling to think that mistakes are lessons learned the hard way and lessons that will really be remembered. No matter how painful it would be, I am sure that I leaned from it. I will be more mindful next time.

These hard lessons I learn in life are teaching me not only to be more careful with what I say. Now I am more tolerant to people who commit mistakes. I realized that if we are unforgiving to people who have done wrong, this world will never move forward. It is only in forgiving others that get the chance to move on and apply the lessons they have learned.

I just wish that those people who were affected by my mistakes will be as forgiving as I am now.

My Poem & My Painting

Journey

In every man's journey
He must fall.

In every fall
There will be tears.

Tears to open up his eyes
To find hope.

A hope to give him strength
To rise and walk again.